A.Y.I.E

2011-10-03T22:44:00.001+08:00

“Never compare your life story with those in the movies, because they are written by scriptwriters. Yours is written by Allah.”

=)

2011-06-18T20:48:00.001+08:00

Pada suatu pagi di satu sekolah menengah, ada seorang pelajar bertanya pada seorang guru yang sedang mengajar. Ketika itu, guru tersebut sedang menyentuh mengenai kasih dan sayang secara am. Dialog di antara pelajar dan guru tersebut berbunyi begini:

Pelajar: Cikgu, macam mana kita nak pilih seseorang yang terbaik sebagai orang paling kita sayang? Macam mana juga kasih sayang itu nak berkekalan?

Cikgu: Oh, awak nak tahu ke? Emmm...baiklah, sekarang kamu buat apa yang saya suruh. Ikut je ye...mungkin kamu akan dapat apa jawapannya.

Pelajar: Baiklah...apa yang saya harus buat?

Cikgu: Kamu pergi ke padang sekolah yang berada di luar kelas sekarang juga. Kamu berjalan di atas rumput di situ dan sambil memandang rumput di depan kamu, pilih mana yang PALING cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi walaupun sekali. Dan kamu petiklah rumput yang PALING cantik yang berada di depan kamu tersebut dan selepas itu bawa balik ke kelas.

Pelajar: Ok. Saya pergi sekarang dan buat apa yang cikgu suruh.

Apabila pelajar tersebut balik semula ke kelas, tiada pun rumput yang berada di tangannya. Maka cikgu pun bertanya kepada pelajar tersebut.

Pelajar: Mana rumput yang cikgu suruh petik?

Pelajar: Oh, tadi saya berjalan di atas rumput dan sambil memandang rumput yang berada di situ, saya carilah rumput yang paling cantik. Memang ada banyak yang cantik tapi cikgu kata petik yang paling cantik maka saya pun terus berjalan ke depan sambil mencari yang paling cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi. Tapi sampai di penghujung padang , saya tak jumpa pun yang paling cantik. Mungkin ada di antara yang di belakang saya sebelum itu tapi dah cikgu cakap tak boleh menoleh ke belakang semula, jadi tiadalah rumput yang saya boleh petik.

Cikgu: Ya, itulah jawapannya. Maknanya, apabila kita telah berjumpa dengan seseorang yang kita sayang, janganlah kita hendak mencari lagi yang lebih baik daripada itu. Kita patut hargai orang yang berada di depan kita sebaik-baiknya. Janganlah kita menoleh ke belakang lagi kerana yang berlaku tetap dah berlaku. Dan semoga yang berlalu tidak lagi berulang. Jika kita berselisih faham dengan orang yang kita sayang itu, kita boleh perbetulkan keadaan dan cuba teruskan perhubungan tersebut walaupun banyak perkara yang menggugat perhubungan tersebut. Dan ingatlah orang yang kita sayang itulah kita jumpa paling cantik dan paling baik pada MULAnya walaupun nak ikutkan banyak lagi yang cantik dan baik seperti rumput tadi. KECUALILAH jika perhubungan tersebut tak boleh diselamatkan lagi, maka barulah kita mulakan sekali lagi. Maka sayangilah orang yang berada di depan kita dengan tulus dan ikhlas.

It's For You

2011-04-26T23:39:00.005+08:00

this video is meant for you. it's the song that played inside my head as to what happened on 24/4/2011 (Sunday thingy). so enjoy =D

about your pose idea of my new dp, is the idea somewhere like this picture below?

if yes, i think i love it alot! can't wait to start snapping =D

another video is meant for you =)

What you got if you ain't got love
the kind that you just want to give away
its okay to open up
go ahead and let the light shine through
I know it's hard on a rainy day
you want to shut the world out and just be left alone
but don't run out on your faith

'cause sometimes that mountain you've been climbing
is just a grain of sand
and what you've been up there searching for forever
is in your hands
when you figure out love is all that matters after all
it sure makes everything else seem so small

-------------------------------------------

on to a more personal note.

i did typed out an extremely long post. but i deleted it when i realized that i'm giving too much details away that may somehow spoil future surprises for those that have yet to learn of it. so i'm gonna end this entry as short as possible.

1/11/11 =D

(it's not an engagement/marriage date)

2011-04-19T23:25:00.003+08:00

Sky Sailing - Brielle

There's a handwritten note pressed in the door of her screened in porch
And I am sailing away recalling that day miles from shore
She was still wearing white and robings egg blue, Her grandmother's dress
When I left home early this year, how I wound up here is anyone's guess
When the new sites grow old and I start to feel cold I'll sail home again

Goodbye Brielle
Only seasons can tell
Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well
I'll see you around our dear ocean town
The frozen days we set ablaze
Sent me drifting away
Like a butterfly, I floated by and now I'm alone
I wish I knew when I'll be back again
So until then I wish you well
My dear Brielle

Skipping over the sand, cobblestone paths that wind through the trees
Breathing the sweet ocean air makes a shy boy aware that he could be free
When the new sites grow old and I start to feel cold I'll sail home again

Goodbye Brielle
Only seasons can tell
Of the sweet dreams that we knew so well
I'll see you around our dear ocean town
The frozen days we set ablaze
Sent me drifting away
Like a butterfly, I floated by and now I'm alone
I wish I knew when I'll be back again
So until then I wish you well
So until then I wish you well
For the time being farewell
My dear Brielle

-------------------------------------

a certain Chinese Garden carpark memories =D

2011-04-17T15:24:00.000+08:00

"Words I Never Said"
(feat. Skylar Grey)

[Skylar Grey]
It’s so loud Inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said
I can’t take back the words I never said

[Lupe Fiasco]
I really think the war on terror is a bunch of bullshit
Just a poor excuse for you to use up all your bullets
How much money does it take to really make a full clip
9/11 building 7 did they really pull it
Uhh, And a bunch of other cover ups
Your childs future was the first to go with budget cuts
If you think that hurts then, wait here comes the uppercut
The school was garbage in the first place, that's on the up and up
Keep you at the bottom but tease you with the uppercrust
You get it then they move you so you never keeping up enough
If you turn on TV all you see’s a bunch of “what the fucks”
Dude is dating so and so blabbering bout such and such
And that ain't Jersey Shore, homie that's the news
And these the same people that supposed to be telling us the truth
Limbaugh is a racist, Glenn Beck is a racist
Gaza strip was getting bombed, Obama didn’t say shit
That's why I ain't vote for him, next one either
I’ma part of the problem, my problem is I’m peaceful
And I believe in the people.

[Skylar Grey]
It’s so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said
I can’t take back the words I never said

[Lupe Fiasco - Verse 2]
Now you can say it ain't our fault if we never heard it
But if we know better than we probably deserve it
Jihad is not a holy war, wheres that in the worship?
Murdering is not Islam!
And you are not observant
And you are not a muslim
Israel don’t take my side cause look how far you’ve pushed them
Walk with me into the ghetto, this where all the Kush went
Complain about the liquor store but what you drinking liquor for?
Complain about the gloom but when’d you pick a broom up?
Just listening to Pac ain't gone make it stop
A rebel in your thoughts, ain't gon make it halt
If you don’t become an actor you’ll never be a factor
Pills with million side effects
Take em when the pains felt
Wash them down with Diet soda!
Killin off your brain cells
Crooked banks around the World
Would gladly give a loan today
So if you ever miss payment
They can take your home away!

[Skylar Grey]
It’s so loud inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said, never said
I can’t take back the words I never said

[Lupe Fiasco - Verse 3]
I think that all the silence is worse than all the violence
Fear is such a weak emotion that's why I despise it
We scared of almost everything, afraid to even tell the truth
So scared of what you think of me, I’m scared of even telling you
Sometimes I’m like the only person I feel safe to tell it to
I’m locked inside a cell in me, I know that there’s a jail in you
Consider this your bailing out, so take a breath, inhale a few
My screams is finally getting free, my thoughts is finally yelling through

[Skylar Grey]
It’s so loud Inside my head
With words that I should have said!
As I drown in my regrets
I can’t take back the words I never said

2011-04-12T21:02:00.001+08:00

an overdue reunion

(Left To Right)

Amali, Azhar, Atikah, Aishah

Work - the cycle

2011-04-05T10:38:00.002+08:00

Wake, work, home, eat sleep
This cycle keeps on and on
As the time it takes is so long
Wake, work, home, eat sleep

Wake work home eat sleep
This cycle don’t seem at all to end
All your life in work you seem to spend
Wake work home eat sleep

Wake work home eat sleep
You start to see your life is slipping away
As people no longer around you stay
Wake work home eat sleep

Wake work home eat sleep
I’m surprised now I’m even getting time to eat
It would be bliss to stop rest my feet
Wake work home eat sleep

Wake work home eat sleep
You doing so many hours you feel ill
And you keep doing the cycle still
Wake work home eat sleep

Wake work home eat sleep
People bosses customers just keep adding more
You start to long for sleep and to snore
Wake work home eat sleep

Wake work home eat sleep
Something drastic happens the cycle breaks
And that all that it really takes
Wake work home eat sleep no more

(http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/work-the-cycle/)

being with her

2011-04-01T23:10:00.003+08:00

a quick update.

i think i kinda freaked her out when i showed her the ring in a 'will you marry me' face. i think she knew it beforehand. but niway, it was meant as a joke. hahaha! no plans for marriage yet for me. who knows, it can change if ........... =)

i dunno what's got into me tonight. seriously. for some reason, i just refuse to go off, eventhough she asked me to. i think it's the perfume she was wearing. hmmmmm.......maybe....... yup, i think it's definitely her perfume smell. so this is what perfume does to man, huh? you know, maybe next time i should wear an orange perfume on me. so she will want to stick around with me more. not bad idea, eh?

on a serious note, i didn't felt like going off. really. you know, if tomorrow is my off, i would have stick around longer. just want to enjoy being alone with her. those warm feeling you get inside your stomach when you with someone you feel comfortable with. picture this..........sitting on a nice bench, facing the 13th floor HDB lifts, a cup of cold rose syrup, a nice chicken wing and a cannot-make-it macaroni from the pasar malam.

dear Gemini girl, it's time i take you to some place where your stomach can happily sit on a comfortable fluffy couch =)

wanted to ask her a question. looking at the current situation where we are both beginning to feel comfortable with each other, i'm more afraid that question will end up ruining everything. looked into her eyes as i was about to forcefully asked. last minute decided not to when her eyes said; "not the right timing yet." so yeah. i think i rather keep it to myself. i'm happy where both of us are really at now. although we can still make it better =D

2011-03-19T21:49:00.002+08:00

today, wanted to go for this talk at Masjid Ar-Raudhah. i think the topic was about 'How to maju in Islam'. but i didn't go coz i overslept. heesh! didn't went well for me after that.

niway.

i seriously am hoping that aishah do message me again to confirm her free date so that i can make time for her. hopefully it will happen. i think it will definitely happen. gut instinct is pretty strong on this one =D

i do know from FB post of P2 reunion. but as of lately, it's been quiet. so i can safely assume it is not going to happen.

my body is wearing this blue uniform, but my mind is somewhere else. this place is not meant for me. my heart does not wish to shoulder this responsibility. i already moved on from this 'past'. i know i will not sign on. my mind is clear and fixed. so don't beg me to change my mind. it is already firm and can't be moved. because.......

this is not part of my 10 years plan =)

2011-03-02T22:27:00.003+08:00

i'm back!!

after a month of silence, i'm back! wanted to try not blogging for 1 month. it's not easy because being me, i just have lots of things to say or share. but i managed to pull through. phew! so applause for me, ya =D

thanks to everyone for wishing me a happy birthday wishes on facebook or sms. really appreciated it alot. so thanks again, guys!

seriously dunno which degree to take at. MDIS? NTU? PSB? or maybe thinking of going malaysia to take instead since the one i have in mind is also internationally recognized. hmmmmm......

which comes to think of it, money will be a big issue if i decide to pursue degree. double hmmmmmm.......

neh, i think that can wait. need to stay focus on 2011 plan, which is preparation for 2012 plans after ORD =)

2011-01-24T22:46:00.002+08:00

i've decided!

the next new/re-start relationship will eventually lead to marriage

hehehe! leaving it open to interpretation

but it's confirmed as part of a longer plan after my current 10 years plan ended in 2017

=)

2011-01-12T14:12:00.002+08:00

*motivational song for those going through emotional changes in life. woot woot!*

Ricky Martin - The Best Thing About Me Is You

Im as happy as I can be
Cause I’m allergic to tragedy
The doctor says something’s wrong with me
The smile on my face has no remedy

So baby, don’t say no
Come on and just say yes
You know it’s time to keep it simple
Let’s take a chance and hope for the best

Life is short, so make it what you wanna
Make it good, don’t wait until manana
I think I’m cool cause your name’s on the short sheet, now do
The best thing about me is you
Oooooh

My cryin’ days are now history (history)
I had a change of philosophy (philosophy)
I take each day as it comes to me
And I won’t take myself all that seriously

So baby, don’t say no
Come on and just say yes
You know it’s time to keep it simple
Let’s take a chance, and hope for the best

Life is short, so make it what you wanna
Make it good, don’t wait until mañana
I think I’m cool cause your name’s on the short ..

Hon, the best thing about me is you.
It’s you
Oh baby, now I see it’s you
(Now the best thing, the best thing)
Oh yes it is
(It’s true) whoa oh

Kick off your shoes, lay back, and take a load off
Give me your blues, let me love it away
Nothing to lose, so don’t act like such a grownup
Stay out all night in the moonlight with me

(Don’t say no, don’t say no)
Come on and just say yes
You know it’s time to keep it simple
Let’s take a chance and hope for the best

Life is short, so make it what you wanna
Make it good, don’t wait until mañana
I think I’m cool cause your name’s on the short ..
Now the best thing about me is you

It’s you
Now the best thing, the best thing, the best thing
About me is you
Now the best thing about me is you.
The best thing about me is you.
The best thing about me is you.
The best thing about me is you

2011-01-06T19:10:00.002+08:00

jogged around 3.16km today between asar and maghrib today. fuh sedap sikit lari. with headphone on, mp3 volume on full blast, seriously jogging never felt this enjoyable =D

which reminds me, i know this song is pretty old already. but to describe you the mood i was in while jogging, take a listen to this song. it's a party song, i know. but the vibe was lively and full of fun. yeah yeah. anyone cares to go jogging with me? hehehe!

2011-01-02T21:03:00.003+08:00

looking through at HSBC, OCBC and Maybank credit card options available. pretty curious to know how credit card works because if there's another way to help me spending without breaking my wallet, than it would be fantastic. of course i won't say i'm desperately in need of a credit card just to up my social status, which i find it to be a ridiculous idea by the way. i'm just saying that if having a credit card opens up new and awesome privileges that are otherwise unaccessible to normal folks with POSB card only, than i'm all ears. credit card plan is still in a recee state coz i'm not that financially stable yet. so it will still be tat long until i have settled on a particular credit card that meets my usual expenses and needs.

in the mean time, looking for someone to teach me financial stuffs and how credit cards work because i cannot understand a single word the internet is saying to me. need to learn from the experienced person on this one.

for now, only settling on 1 credit card only because to avoid from becoming financially burden over it after a long extended period of time. playing my financial stuffs safe.

the last 2010

2010-12-31T20:05:00.003+08:00

today officially marks the end of 2010.

best part is, 1st Jan 2011, i don't have to patrol on dat day itself coz our batch just finished our vocational posting basic course today. so the head said we can start our patrol on monday onwards. which my team is schedueled for patrol on monday itself.

wooooooo!!

so which means i'll be at home on new years day itself. enjoying the whole house to myself. family going malaysia for holiday. i'm not going coz i got to know last minute that i got off on new years day itself. the trip was paid in advance, so it was too late for me to join. so no worries, ya. will be keeping myself preoccupied with my PS3 and movies at home.

maybe visiting town for awhile just to check out the vibes there.

so to end off 2010, a fitting ending song to mark this somber conclusion.

Artist: Audiomachine
Track: Redemption

2010-12-28T19:27:00.003+08:00

i just got to know that i'm deployed for patrol on 1st Jan 2011, new year day itself.

*slap forehead*

nasib baik tak buat any plans on that day.

niway.

today, 2 eyelashes went into my eyes. jokingly said to myself; "wonder who is thinking of me right now?"

browsing through some interesting fractal arts on the internet. actually, i dunno what fractal arts mean. but it looks awesome anyway. so that's all that matters. yeah yeah! 1 particular picture that i kinda like it alot is this one right here.

pretty interesting, don't you think? thinking of making fractal arts through photography. i seriously dunno how to do it. but i'll think of something along the way, ya =D

saw this video on youtube that i thought worth sharing here.

really like how the transition effects from one picture to the next picture adds alot of dynamic to the overall video tone. eventhough the concept of the video is simple, but still the transition creates this fluid motion that keeps the video momentum moving forward without being boring even for 1 second.

moving on.

keeping a close watch on a certain particular situation that is of great interest to me as of lately.

2010-12-19T23:24:00.002+08:00

another posing by the ever photo-genic sayang. slowly, she is becoming my official model. wehehehehe!!

on to the main event.

i'm very very worried about my current spendings. almost this week alone i spent close to 100 bucks alone on transportations and food. this is not looking too good. at this rate, i may end up going bankrupt even before the next pay day comes. need to come up with plan B. come on, think amali! think!

posted a video at atikah's FB wall, which is meant for aishah. wehehehehe! it's the "i'm-sorry-for-walking-away-from-you-that-time" apology video. so i hope.....she do get to see it. still thinking of what to say to her when i bump into her again in future. praying hard that i don't fumble like last time. legs, you did a good job of making me look like a fool. ok! must learn to relax when i see her. relax......and......breath. come to think of it, what was aishah actually thinking that time......

a familiar aishah

2010-12-13T22:19:00.003+08:00

ok so i saw her by accident. was about to alight from 241 when i happened to look outside the window. quickly looked away went she looked at my direction. and voala! there she was halfway crossing the road, in black shirt and grey jeans, i think. the shirt i know is black, but the pants i couldn't make out the colour coz it was at night. but i roughly remember that it was grey. so there she was, wif that familiar long hairstyle, and that familiar specs. truth is, my instinct was to really turn left after i alighted from the bus and caught up wif her.

but i did the complete opposite when i alighted from the bus, by immediately walked off towards the DIY shop near Prime. looking for a new lock for my locker at my new vocational posting headquarter. plus, a new iron board for home. i was in an empty stomach, so you can probably accurately predict my mood when i'm hungry =)

if we ever bumped again, not during my patrolling time that is, i will definitely go talked to her. my heart will definitely be beating 100 beats per second. the feelings, i gotta tell you, is a mixture of knowing you'll get scolded and a great relieved from seeing someone who survived a fatal operation. in the mean time, please don't have this impression that i'm pushing you away with my silence and distance. eventhough my current impression is that you ARE pushing me away with your silence.

niway, i really badly do want to be involve in a relationship. i really do. but i'm lacking the emotional supports that i'm yearning for. so please give me some time and when you see me out on the streets, do know that i'm putting in alot of extra efforts to approach you.

by the way, seeing her suddeny exploded this old familiar feelings inside of me. it felt like something that was long dead, for unknown reason, became anew with fresh life. it's good to see you, noraishah.....

dream house

2010-12-11T22:59:00.004+08:00

ok, so i was doing some thinking of how i wan my dream house to look like. i thought now would be a great time to do some tinkering on what the house might look like in the future. got some ideas here and there. but i do know these, whatever things inside the house are governed by these 2 simple rules:

- less stuffs, more space
- anti-claustrophobic

with these 2 rules being set up, i spent some time googling on pictures that i felt will influence on how the house might turned out. so voala! here's my findings.

first up, living room. stylish, dun you think? i want a feel of being inside a cinema theatre, knowing at the same time whenever someone enters the living room, they feel a deep sense in awe of how clean and pristine the living room is being structured. at the same time, whenever we are watching the TV or listening to musics from the living room, the room decor must not be that distracting to the person's eyes as they are being kept deeply involved in what they are hearing or seeing on the TV screen. the whole idea of this design is to completely pull the viewers into the TV screen and make them forget that they are sitting in the living room on a nice leather sofa.

ah, kitchen time. i want the stove to be in the middle of the kitchen so that it create this sharing vibe between whoever is cooking and whoever is watching the person cooking. the kitchen decor needs to have this sense of openess where it is able to feel less intimidating to anyone who steps into the kitchen. the kitchen gotta look and feel like a playground for food lovers. i dun want the stove to face the wall simply because i don't want to feel like a prisoner having to face the wall whenever i'm cooking my food. besides, the fun in cooking lies in having someone that you love watching you cooking. it makes the food taste 10 times better, ya =D

bedroom is a slight dilemma for me because both of these designs have the things that i want in the bedroom.

the top picture:
REMOVE:
- chandelier
- the ceiling design
- wooden flooring

KEEP:
- room colour
- bed decor
- 2 pillar beside the bed

the bottom picture:
REMOVE:
- anything with black on it
- bed decor

KEEP:
- the surreal big empty space in the room
- window decor
- white shelves
- white floorings

and roughly that's how the bedroom may end up looking. i want to go to sleep, knowing that the day has ended and wakes up the next morning, knowing that it's a new day with new things to look forward too. i also want a space where it has this vibe of 'back to the simple things in life' kind of decor where it doesn't feel chaotic whenever i'm in the room. i want to avoid putting alot of things inside the room because i don't want to feel tense up whenever i'm in the room with those many unneccessary stuffs. as far as possible, the room have to be this sort of Private Gateway for us from this fast-pace and chaotic world.

speaking of us, the space is for me and my future wife to be at peace with ourselves, both mentally and emotionally whenever we are in the room. plus, living at the top floor isn't such a bad thing afterall, since the view is pretty nice in the morning and during dawn. can get to see the sunrise and sunsets. oh ya, i need the big space for solat. the space does make a big difference in giving me and my wife a quiet moment to pray. also, it greatly helps to make us feel much closer to Him with the quietness and empty space that we are engulfed in.

lastly, we come to the bathroom. to wrap up the overall experience of the entire house, the bathroom decor is meant to be 'closer to nature' tone. seeing that i can't possible put the entire trees or grasses inside the bathroom, i decided to improvise on it. again, the spacious layout is meant to connect oneselves to the outdoor nature world with it's peace and quiet. with the walls fairly apart, i won't feel tight and constraint whenever i'm enjoying my showering moment.

LAST WORDS

so there you have it. this is how my dream house would look like. these pictures i google from the internet is meant to serve as an inspirations to help you, the reader, to picture how my dream house might look like. so yeah =D

ouh, i erase the chatbox at the right side of the blog temporary to avoid getting any unwanted spams.

2010-12-07T21:27:00.002+08:00

Brainiac 5: Why won't you forgive yourself?

Clark: He didn't have a choice. He's my father, of course he'd sacrifice anything to protect me.

Brainiac 5: We always have a choice, Kal-El. Your father didn't have to care for you the way he did. Yet still he made that choice every day he was with you. He chose to be your protector. Just as you've chosen to be the Earth's protector. Nobody forced that on you, yet you embraced it. Nobody made that choice for you. We all chose our own fate.

Brainiac 5: The darkness is the past. And you hold onto it and you dwell. You punish yourself and everyone around you for past mistakes.

Clark: I don't have the privilege of mistakes. Even if we don't expect perfection from ourselves, the rest of the world does. You heard what they said.

Brainiac 5: Then help Oliver be who he can be. Today, tomorrow. Be there for him now, and stop punishing him for his past with your silence and your distance. Let it go.

2010-12-05T19:39:00.002+08:00

bunkmate shared with me of this '5 years business plan' that a person had to create and propose to potential funders to set up their business. it sounds like a great idea, well for me to have a starting point to jump from. this plan needs to be somewhere in the neighbouring 100 pages thick, which i may have to think it thorougly and throughfully if i'm going to come up with a convincing and persuasive plan. well, happy pondering, amali......

oh oh, shafiq jamal is confirm on my wanted partner list =D

next up.

looking at either mazda, mitsubishi or honda cars as a replacement for my current family car in 4 years time.

next up.

who is interested in me, please sms me. weeeeeeeeeeee =)

2010-12-03T20:51:00.002+08:00

day 1

*during parade rehearsel break time*

squadmate 1: amali. can massage for me?
me: (dutifully massage for him)

day 2

*during parade rehearsel break time*

squadmate 1: amali. can massage for me?
me: (dutifully massage for him)

squadmate 2: later after him, my turn ah.
me: (shag but smiling) sure man.

day 3

*during parade rehearsel break time*

squadmate 4: my head headache ah. can massage for me?

squadmates' request for a massage by me increase to 4.

day 4

*during parade rehearsel break time*

squadmates' request for a massage by me increase to 8.

day 5

*during parade rehearsel break time*

squadmates' request for a massage by me increase to 14.

moral of the story: massage is the aching body's best friend =D

2010-11-28T20:12:00.000+08:00

Gravity release me and don't ever hold me down, now my feet won't touch the ground.

2010-11-27T20:50:00.005+08:00

was walking around the house, when i spotted this little devil sitting at the balcony's window. wanted to ask her to come down, but instead went into my room to grab my camera. yeah, she actually pose for the camera. hahaha! gotta love a photogenic cat =D

moving on.

went for the interview that i mentioned in my previous post. asked them about degree stuffs. from their replies, it looks like i most probably may have to start my degree after ORD (in shorts, after NS). which means to fill up those unexpected holes, 2011 will be the year of saving. gonna have to probably push some of my 2011 plans to 2012. not be a bad thing afterall, ya. it means i now got the extra time needed to prep up my portfolio.

and speaking of degree, it's not looking too good. spoke to ibu. learnt that i have yet to re-pay my poly course stuffs. dat time, used ayah's cpf to pay for my poly stuffs. applied for mendaki too, dun wori. so now i need to repay ayah's back. they need the money more than i do. me? i got plans. a much BIGGER plans. i'm not talking about marriage, which i'm thinking of getting married at the age of 40. weeeeeeeeeee!!!

back to the story. i have to settle my poly's debts first. then i can save up for degree.

eyeing for this potrait lens. going to experiment on potrait photography earlier next year.

2010-11-21T17:34:00.003+08:00

front design

back design

my first conceptual design for my own namecard. hmmmm. still need to do alot of rework to give the extra UMPH that I want my clients to feel when they first look at my namecard.

in the mean time, going back to camp in about few hours time. feeling damn sick now =(

2010-11-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

read mahirah's latest entry about redesigning Mecca. yup, i agree with her totally. haji experience supposed to be going back to the basic with simple things such as accommodations like tents and stuffs. money could have instead be used on improving on the basic needs such as, say, providing heavily subsidized haji packages for the less fortunate muslims from less developing countries? my thoughts. please no funding on nuclear stuffs while they are at it, ya. i dunno. it just doesn't feel right deep inside of me when i looked at the proposed redesign concept arts. it's jaw-droppingly gorgeous, yes i agree. but for the sake of helping me getting closer to Allah during my haji, no effects buddy. as much as i love to rant on my disapproval on that idea, i shall completely leave my faith to Allah. He knows what's best for Mecca and His creations.

which leave me wondering, wonder how it's like travelling to Mecca via sea =)

on to another news.

i have an idea. you know this documentary story called Journey To Mecca? it's about Ibn Battuta. a well-known muslim traveller, to cut long story short. thinking of getting the Blu-Ray disc of the documentary, play it at Sultan Mosque. you know, to give Muslim viewers an enriching as well as creating an experience where audiences feel like as though they are there with Ibn Battuta on his journey as they watch on the big screen. hehe. just this crazy urge to create a unique viewing experience for the audiences. something i've been craving for since last year's ramadhan. neh, it's nothing urgent or important. BUT! at least it got me excited for awhile there just slurping on the idea. weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

moving on.

got shortlisted for an interview for the vocational posting that i wanted. it will be on this coming monday. what is it? if you attend my upcoming Passing Out Parade, i will reveal to you. so it's an exclusive deal =)

moving on.

getting a new Mac laptop and a videocam probably on IT Show 2012. that's like 2 years later. maybe sooner, if the rezeki is there, insya'allah. but on a worst case scenario, planned it to be 2 years. why? i need time to save up. once this 2 items in my possession, will be shifting to Gear 5 in my focus on creating a portfolio that is sure going to surpass my poly standards. maybe closer to degree standards. insya'allah =D

plans for 2011? be the best trainee in my vocational posting. i hold back quite alot during my 3 months training, coz i was making a calculative efforts to make sure i get the posting i wanted and also to avoid 2 postings. which judging from the news of me being shortlisted for that interview, it was a successful effort that paid off. yeah!

iPhone plan will have to push back to next year. doing a little reorganizing in my financial status. nothing major. just slotting in the back-up plans for part-time degree. which i have yet to decide what degree to take. that is 2013 plan, so still got time to make my final decision.

all plans subject to change, depending on the current situations being faced.

what are your plans, anyway =)

2010-11-16T23:01:00.002+08:00

kindly follow the following instructions. dun jump or skip paragraph coz you might end up ruining the good experience i'm about to share with you.

this is wad i wan you to do. put on your earpiece/headphone. turn on the volume to your comfortable listening level. lie down on your bed. close your eyes. think about nothing. once you are done with the video, open your eyes and move on the next instructions just below the video, ya.

now play this video once you are ready.

a one of a kind moving song, don't you think? now go share this special experience with the person who first came into your mind when you started listening to this song =)

2010-11-12T19:14:00.003+08:00

RESTART

It means: (1) to start anew. (2) to resume (as an activity) after interruption.

poly life has been a successful time for me. successful in a way of constantly turning down relationship invites from other girls. i view my poly life journey more of "sorting out my emotional wants and needs" kind of path. as i entered NS, this new journey is more of "confronting my past fears and moving on" kind of path. after 3 years of relationship hiatus, i felt that i've emotionally grown over these years.

why do i wanne be in a relationship? why, you ask?

i wanna be with someone:
- who i'm emotionally comfortable with
- who constantly reminds me how to be a good person in Allah's view
- who i can share and pursue my dreams with

i think now i'm emotionally ready to be involve in a relationship that i hopefully am emotionally comfortable with. i have a pretty clear idea of who i wanna be with. that is if she........is ready for me =)

by the next pay =)

2010-10-31T19:02:00.004+08:00

Ten Ten Ten

2010-10-10T14:16:00.002+08:00

10/10/10

not a bad date, eh?

nyahahahaha!

so moving on. 2 months of NS life has just passed just like that. i'm thankful for it because it means i'm getting closer to P.O.P-ing. so i am looking forward to that with great anticipation =)

last friday on the way home in my bus after booked out, chatted with a stranger from the 27th intake, which is 20 years ago. compared our NS lifes and he gave me some tips on how to survive NS life. at the end of the day, he simply said; "dun think much and just have fun!"

hearing that words from a complete strangers really woke me up about something. for some reasons, he could see my emotional pain even without me expressing it to him. those words, it made me felt good about myself and encouraged me to go all out in my training. nevertheless, i shall do my best! i must =D

so how's my life in camp? emotionally alone. cos i hav no one to talked to on the phone, except rashid, atikah and a friend from my previous workplace. i would want to talked to filzah, if chance permits. because i want to talk to someone who makes me emotionally comfortable, that's all =D

the squad i'm in are pretty unpredictable, responsible and thinking group of people. i'm thankful for that because it helps to get works done in camp much more easier, plus less trouble involved means less punishments. which is a good thing because with the amount of time spent being punished, it can instead be used to learn new things. so i'm biting my lips every seconds in camp, praying that time won't be wasted on meaningless things. i will say the environment in this squad is the combine amalgation of my past selfs. that's another thing i have to really be emotionally strong to go through. revisiting the past is never easy for a person, but by not making the same mistakes, the path being walked is less intimidating than ever =)

oh did i mentioned 60% in my squad are malay? another reason why my squad are pretty kecoh bunch of people with many laughters XD

the entire squad is super crazy about Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars. without fail, the squad will sing along to this song in class during break or during showering sessions. that's how deep the impact of this song is towards us. so, as a dedication to an awesome squad, i dedicate this song to an awesome group of people.

malay version sounds much more nicer =)

LYRICS:
Sayang sayang ku tertawan dengan matamu
hati ini berdebar debar oh selalu
senyumanmu yang mencuit jiwaku..yea..

Oh, cinta cinta kita berdua selamanya
kisah kita yang kian indah sentiasa
dunia ini bersamamu kan sempurna yea

Chorus:

Oh dan bila, hatiku terbelah dua
hanya kaulah bisa menentukannya

Oh dan bila, kita berdua berpesta
kita-kan menuju ke puncak angkasa
yeahhh yeahhhhh!

Caprice:
you could be fat in skinny jeans, or the one Billie Jean,
Black or white, you're still creme de la cream,
or cream de la creme, you know what i mean,
the cream of the crop, i'am what i be, yeaahhh,
you are what you eat,
and you're so fit, french cuisine,
im a long-term man, take a ride with me,
if you're half chinese, WO-I-NI,
attend, une seconde, rouge ou blanche like vive la France,
ma petite copine on danse,
si je parte maitenant, on reste ensemble,
uhh, on peut s'coucher,
but you and i babe we up, souflee,
im one of the best so your boy touche,
i dont mean to brag but i'am today,
so current im about the paper,
you could be my sayang or my manje
we might as well try we dont get no younger,
you plus me, ai-ka-ram-ba,
yeahh from Damansara,
and you're so hot like rice and curry,
and so bright, matahari,
and i aint gotta try, ya diiiig?

2010-10-03T15:21:00.002+08:00

pushing even further

2010-09-12T17:35:00.001+08:00

my new daughter XD

2010-09-11T11:36:00.000+08:00

Take Me as I am - FM Static

This time I finally see the reason why
I can't do this alone
It took some time and concentration
To believe it, this I know.
I need to build my faith sometimes
But I am so comfortable in line
I'm up there's no more time,
To try to mess with this design

Two nights compete everyone's asleep
and I don't want to say these words to you
I'll be your hand take me as I am
I just wanna be with you

Take me as I am cause I'm going
I was too scared to start now
I'm too scared to let go
Take me as I am, cause I'm growing
but its so hard to tell when I'm not used to this soul
Take me as I am, cause I'm going
I was too scared to start now I'm too scared to let go
Take me as I am, Cause I'm growing
but its so hard to tell when I'm not used to this soul

I lift my voice to sing out
Let the sound of my heart bring out
These hands aren't holding me down
Never again will I be with out
I need to feel my faith sometimes
But I am so comfortable in line
I'm up there's no more time
To try to mess with this design

Two nights compete everyone's asleep
and I don't want to say these words to you
I'll be your hand take me as I am
I just wanna be with you

Take me as I am, cause I'm going
I was too scared to start now
I'm too scared to let go
Take me as I am, cause I'm growing
but its so hard to tell when
I'm not used to this soul
Take me as I am, cause I'm going
I was too scared to start now I'm too scared to let go
Take me as I am, cause I'm growing
But its so hard to tell when I'm not used to this soul

2010-08-29T11:23:00.002+08:00

think when you were still a kid

think when you were a kid, everything is possible
you put the blanket over your back, then you became a Superman
you take your mom's broom and ride on it, then you became a Witch
you climb up the tree, not knowing that you might fell, you simply made it
you just had an idea and made it happened, because you believe
you were then, creative with strong belief
as you became adult, things seems to be a little different

when you failed in your exam, you think "I can NEVER make it"
when you have a BRILLIANT marriage proposal, then you think "maybe it's NOT the right time"
when you want to start a business, you think "maybe it's NOT as easy"
when you are already in the business, you heard someone says "do NOT take the risk"

then, when you have a brilliant idea that,
can create more jobs for the poorer nations,
can provide a better living for more people,
can make our nation proud,
can help the growth of our nation,
and can create a better world
and you said "I am NOT SURE......"

you are still creative but with more doubt

then years later, you heard someone had the same idea as yours,
what makes him different from you?
his action. he puts his idea into reality
he's the Most Promising Creative Young Entrepreneur of the Year
his action won him this recognition
then you started to think, how i wished i had taken action that years ago....

think when you were a kid, if that idea came by when you were still a kid,
could you have taken action????
when back then, you strongly believe.........

it is never too late.......
you just need to have an idea and make it happen
you still CAN
if you BELIEVE

2010-08-28T15:24:00.002+08:00

whey protein

hmmmm.....

going to give it a shot =D

2010-08-15T16:54:00.002+08:00

mom came into the room, said someone wants to see me at the door. it's regarding a survey stuffs. i went over and true enough, there was a middle-aged woman in tudung standing in front of the door. i greeted her and we verbally did the survey together.

at the end of the survey, i got a cool $30 NTUC voucher and $2 Old Chang Kee voucher. It was worth my 1+ hour of doing that survey =)

will be going to camp with saiful and hopefully, with azely. looking forward to reunite with them =D

1st Entry As An NS-Man

2010-08-14T14:29:00.003+08:00

(in the bunk, waiting for lights out)

turned to the left, seeing bunk-mates talking to their gfs on the phone.

turned to the right, seeing bunk-mates talking to their families on the phone.

turned to the front, seeing bunk-mates talking to their friends on the phone.

i looked at my handphone on my hand. randomly scrolled through all the contacts that i intending to call. non came in mind as to who i really wanted to talk to. paused for awhile for a full 1 minute. switched off my handphone and put it inside my locker. immediately went off to sleep 30 minutes before lights out.

if only you knew how much it pains me to wear this uniform once again after so long of avoiding it =(

Last Entry As A Civilian

2010-08-02T23:55:00.002+08:00

Last Solat Jumaat Location: Masjid Assyakirin
Last Dinner With: Abg Shafiq
Last Dinner Location: Mr Teh Tarik (Jurong West)
Last Food Eaten: Mee Goreng
Last Drink: Milo Dinosaur
Last Song Listening To: Forgiven by Skillet

i think that's about sums up my last day as a civilian. i'm excited about what's in store for me in NS. Sharing session with abang shafiq also was useful in helping to ease this unsettling heart deep inside of me. the only regret i had was not being able to see her. but nevertheless, that moment will have to wait.

Home Team Academy, here i COME!!!!!

2010-08-01T21:27:00.002+08:00

yo!

got back from nenek's house today. yeah, i think i made the right decision to go to nenek's house to calm my mind. felt good, felt awesome, felt superb! WOOO!! nyahahaha.

oh ya! about my previous post, just screw it, ya. i re-read my previous post prior to updating this entry. i was pretty much laughing my ass off reading all those emo emo stuffs that i tend to write when i'm down. never realized how much stupid i sound like. but the only point i really meant in that entry was Break Apart Her Heart by Good Charlotte. that point of view still remains unchanged =)

re-packing my stuffs for NS. instincts telling me that something is still lacking.

i'm emotionally and mentally prepared for NS now. somehow, there's these arms wrapping around me like as though someone is hugging me from behind. this conforting feeling..........this warmth that i long yearn for...........

although you know i dunno if i have mentioned this in my blog before. there were times this past 3 years, during solat jumaat at different Fridays, i made a silent prayer to Allah. i asked Him if she is the one for me, bring us closer together. if she is not the one for me, keep us apart.

He answered my prayer immediately after i got up to perform tahiyat akhir, everytime without fail whenever i made that doa. And everytime without fail, He showed me her face whenever i open my eyes.

Aishah

i shared this news to my friends. some of them says i'm too desperate for her already. some says i still can't move on. some says i should be patient and maybe now is not the time yet. i only know that my intention of putting this up here on this blog is to let her know the truth, just in case she happens to read my blog. i will not ask Him again because the answer will definitely be the same.

why her? you asking me why i keep on pinning on her? don't ask me. ask Allah. i asked Him, He showed me her face. what you want me to do, treat it as a false answer? rubbish! He is Allah, The Almighty, The Knower of what is revealed and hidden. i don't have the answers to everything, man. i'm just a puny human. if He showed me her face, it means He is planning a reunion between us 2 in the coming future. that's the only answer i can think of at this point of time. when? where? i dunno. as to what extent will our relationship be mend, as to what extent is our status (single/attached), i dunno.

but i do know is that when we do meet up, just us 2 only, tempers will fly. tears will be shed. yelling will be our main form of communication. things that were left hanging will be answered. i know i can't bear to experience this confrontation, and i sure as hell can confirm she too will be in the same position as me. if Allah wills us two to reunite, He will do it. until then, i'm gonna leave this matter hanging and continue doing my own stuffs. until the right time comes, until then i will wait.

finding Director JJ Abrams Star Trek Blu-Ray edition is pretty hard. everywhere i go, i can't seems to find it. the only edition i can find is the DVD version. why are good movies so hard to find on the format that i want??? sungguh haiz -___-"

2010-07-30T16:16:00.004+08:00

Good Charlotte: Break Apart Her Heart

When you call she doesn't answer, when you write she doesn't answer
You go out you see him with her, she told you she was sick at home
The ring you gave her thrown away with all the letters
And when you see him with her, he doesn't even care at all

As she follows him around like you follow her around
And he doesn't even care and your figuring out
The only way your gonna keep somebody around
Well I'm about to let you know

There's something I don't wanna understand
The only way a woman is gonna want a man
The only way you'll ever keep her in your hands
Is breaking apart her heart
Don't tell her she is the reason that you live
Don't give her everything that you got to give
If you want to keep the girl for as long as you live
Just break it apart her heart

Can't you see the way she's crying
Well that's what keeps her trying, she knew that she could have you
And he don't give her what she wants
There's truth about this, you say you want to be noticed
Well if you want to be noticed you gotta learn to break some hearts
Don't try to understand

There's something I don't wanna understand
The only way a woman is gonna want a man
The only way you'll ever keep her in your hands
Is breaking apart her heart
Don't tell her she is the reason that you live
Don't give her everything that you got to give
If you want to keep the girl for as long as you live
Just break it apart her heart

Can't you see what you've done?
What I've become, what I've become
Can't you see? Can't you see?

I don't understand this cruelty
I don't understand but now I see

There's something I don't wanna understand
The only way a woman is gonna want a man
The only way you'll ever keep her in your hands
Is breaking apart her heart
Don't tell her she is the reason that you live
Don't give her everything that you got to give
If you want to keep the girl for as long as you live
Just break it apart her heart

I don't understand this cruelty
I don't understand... its just not me
I don't understand this cruelty
But now I see

-------------------------------------------------

the song above is from my point of view. all the songs i posted here and facebook is about my current emotional states at that period of posting.

NS is in few days time. i'm definitely nervous about it. all my stuffs are already packed and put aside. many things still lingers in my mind. i know there's so many things that i wanna do before i enter NS. stuffs like......

- holding a woman's hand for the last time
- hugging her for the last time
- kissing her for the last time
- spending a quiet time alone at night cuddling her in my arms
- reminiscing about what we had gone through in the past
- talking about things that could improve our relationship in future

but i know it will never happen. coz it definitely will never happen, simple as that. although i do know what i will do on my last day as a civilian......

- going out for dinner with friends
- playing pranks on my 2 beloved cats for the last time
- watch a Blu-Ray movie on my PS3

another entry will be published next week, 1 day before i'm officially an NS-man. there's just many things that i wanna do, there's just many things that i wanna say to people that i didn't get the chance to speak to. ha! sounding like as though it's my last day on Earth and i'm about to die like that. truth is, i dun even know if i can still see another sunrise once i ORD 2 years later. truth is, i'm scared shitless if NS is where i die. truth is, i'm scared shitless about everything. becoz i'm gg NS, that's why.

i'm scared of going back to the past me once i put on that familiar blue uniform. that cold shell that was hardened due to the emotional roller-coster rides back than in secondary school. many things happened. could say my batch experienced NS pretty early on by NPCC and our 1st school principle. those mental pressure and all that sorts. not by exams. but the pressure of becoming an adult. how should i put it, this video will sum up everything about my life in secondary school. pay attention to the Drill Instructor. it's the amalgation of the worst people i had to endure back than.

i have my doubts. moving on

dun bother googling my blog name on yahoo or google. i already set my account so that it won't be shown on both yahoo and google. as for facebook, i only add people that i know. total strangers will not be accepted into my facebook friend's list.

i realised that these past few weeks, i'm slowly becoming the more reserved and quiet me. last time i behave that way was to cope myself from losing my mind due to mental pressure.

it's bad news.

i'm already slowly going back to the past me.

A Lesson Learnt

2010-07-19T23:10:00.004+08:00

saw this at my FB contact post. pretty interesting to share with you =)

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear students,

I can teach you things, but I cannot make you learn
I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you
I can allow you freedom, but I cannot account for it
I can teach you right from wrong, but I cannot always be there to decide for you
I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish
I can teach you to respect, but I cannot force you to show your honour
I can advise you about friends, but I cannot choose them for you
I can warn you about drugs, but I cannot prevent you from using them
I can tell you about lofty goals, but I cannot achieve them for you
I can teach you about kindness, but I cannot force you to be gracious
I can warn you about sins, but I cannot make your morals
I can tell you to live, but I cannot give you eternal life

--------------------------------------------------------------------

moving on.

i'm officially jobless now. yeap. i quit from my work so as to give me some times and space to rest. emotionally and mentally. i don't have plans yet on what to do for these 2 weeks before my NS starts. i know i'm not looking forward to NS. i know i will be revisiting my past for these 2 years worth of NS. so, no point in running away forever, ya. sooner or laters, we have to face our painful pasts. just get it over and done with, ya =D

and i can confirm that i won't be taking any leadership role while i'm in NS. it's a heavy responsibility. the pay is good, i know. but what's the point of having good pay when you feel like shit 24/7? i learnt from my past =)

i already have a plan of what to do after NS. as of writing this entry, i'm already prepping for it.

2010-07-17T20:21:00.004+08:00

it was worth the wait =D

in another news. 18th July 2010 will be my last day of work. where do i work? sentosa =)

2010-07-16T09:31:00.001+08:00

Forgiven - Skillet

V1
Forgive me now cause I
Have been unfaithful
Don’t ask me why cause I don’t know

So many times I’ve tried
But was unable
But this heart belongs to you alone

Chorus
Now I’m in our secret place
Alone in your embrace
Where all my wrongs have been erased
You have forgiven

All the promises and lies
All the times I compromise
All the times you were denied
You have forgiven

V2
Forgive me I’m ashamed
I’ve loved another
I can’t explain cause I don’t know
No one can take your place
And there is no other
Forever yours and yours alone

Bridge
Take me to our secret place
(We’ll leave the world away)
I get down on my knees
Feel your love wash over me
There will never be another
You’re the only one forever
And you know I’m yours alone

Believe - Skillet

V1
I’m still trying to figure out how to tell you I was wrong
I can’t fill the emptiness inside since you’ve been gone
So is it you or is it me?
I know I said things that I didn’t mean
...But you should’ve known me by now
You should’ve known me

Chorus
If you believed
When I said
I’d be better off without you
Then you never really knew me at all
If you believed
When I said
That I wouldn’t be thinking about you
You thought you knew the truth but you’re wrong
You’re all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

V2
I can’t undo the things that led us to this place
But I know there’s something more to us than our mistakes
So is it you or is it me
I know I’m so blind when we don’t agree
But you should’ve known me by now

You should’ve known me
Cuz you’re all that I want
Don’t you even know me at all
You’re all that I need
Just tell me that you still believe

2010-07-02T23:35:00.003+08:00

pant.......pant.............pant..........

can't you see anything anymore??!!! that self-confidence, that belief that you could overcome any obstacle!! that strength you never doubted!! the enemies you never stood a chance against, they crushed those things mercilessly!! YOU HAVE LOST SO MUCH!!! the world is one giant obstacle blocking your entire field of vision. no wonder you can't see ahead!! YOU ARE DROWNING IN THE DARKNESS OF REGRET AND SELF-RECRIMINATION!! i know it hurts. but you have to smother all that!! DON'T JUST COUNT YOUR LOSSES!!! what's gone is gone. but think about it. you still have somethings left, DON'T YOU??!!!

pant........pant.......pant.....

it's ok to cry. you become a man by knowing both victory and defeat, by running and crying......

Monkey D Luffy.......

2010-06-28T23:15:00.002+08:00

today bumped into Filzah and her family at Vivo while i was on the way to work. i was greatly surprised to see her there. but i was equally surprised to see her without make-up. she looks more radiant without her make-up on, which is something that i find her to be more attractive. i'm not implying anything, just feel that it was worth mentioning about it.

it felt soooo good deep inside to see her after how many weeks never hanging out with her and rashid =)

2010-06-26T23:48:00.002+08:00

Love The Way You Lie Lyrics

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
Love the way you lie

[Verse 1 - Eminem]
I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife in my windpipe
I can't breathe but I still fight all I can fight
As long as the wrong feels right it's like I'm in flight

High off on love, drunk from my hate
It's like I'm huffin' paint and I love it
The more I suffer, I suffocate
Right before I'm about to drown, she resuscitates
Me, she fuckin' hates me, and I love it, Wait!
Where you going? I'm leaving you.
No you ain't. Come back. We're running right back

Here we go again, it's so insane
Cuz when it's going good, it's going great
I'm Superman with the wind in his back
She's Lois Lane
and when it's bad, it's awful
I feel so ashamed, I snap "Who's that dude?"
I don't even know his name
I laid hands on him, I never stood so low again
I guess I don't know my own strength

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 2 - Eminem]
You ever love somebody so much,
you could barely breathe when you with 'em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know it hit 'em
Got that warm fuzzy feeling, yeah them chills you still get 'em
Now you gettin' fuckin' sick of lookin' at 'em
You swore you'd never hit 'em, never do nothing to hurt 'em
Now you're in each other's face spewing venom in your words when you spit 'em
You push, pull each other's hair, scratch, claw, bit 'em
Throw 'em down, pin 'em, so lost in the moments when you're with 'em

It's the rage that took over, it controls you both
So they say it's best to go your separate ways
Guess that they don't know ya cuz today,
That was yesterday, yesterday is over and it's a different day
Sound like broken records playing over
But you promised her, next time you'd show restraint
You don't get another chance
Life is no Nintendo Game
but you lied again
Now you get to watch her leave out the window
Guess that's why they call it "window pane"

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

[Verse 3 - Eminem]
Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same team
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded

Baby please come back, it wasn't you. Baby it was me.
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a torn nail meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much, to walk away now
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
I told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed, I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time? There won't be no next time
I apologize, even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games, I just want her back. I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to fuckin' leave again,
Ima tie her to the bed and set this house on fire
Just gonna

[Chorus - Rihanna]
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
Well that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear my cry
Well that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

2010-06-23T09:07:00.001+08:00

Story Of A Lonely Guy - Blink 182

Push it out fake a smile
Avert disaster just in time
I need a drink cause in a while
Worthless answer from friends in mind
It's dumb to ask cool to ignore
Girls posses me but they're never mine
I made my entrance avoided hazards
Checked my engine I fell behind

I fell behind

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move cause I'm a ****' boy

Remember when I was in the grocery store now's my time
Lost the words lost my nerve lost the girl left a line
I would wish upon a star but that star it doesn't shine
So read my book with a boring ending
A short story of a lonely guy

Who fell behind

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move cause I'm a ****' boy

She makes me feel like it's raining outside
And when the storm's gone I'm all torn up inside
I'm always nervous on days like this like the prom
I get too scared to move cause I'm still just a stupid worthless boy

2010-06-21T23:18:00.001+08:00

2010-06-19T23:12:00.002+08:00

saw this on Mahirah's facebook status.

Often, the hardest part of an ending is when letting go. To remember that we shouldn't be too attached to anything in this world. Not to our parents, our siblings, relatives, friends, events, places etc... And that kind of mentality... takes years to develop... and often involves the most painful of experiences... Fi Sabilillah... (:

if you ask me what does this got to do with me, the answer is simply; "i'm going back to the past me. the time after i broke-up with my 3rd ex-girlfriend and before i dated Aishah."

2010-06-10T23:58:00.004+08:00

saw this at one of my facebook contact's link update. pretty cool =D

2010-06-05T01:04:00.002+08:00

(current state: taking the plunge)

coz frankly speaking, i'm too numb to think twice =)

2010-05-30T10:57:00.001+08:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

2010-05-25T23:26:00.002+08:00

made a new friend today at the shop that i was relieving for the day

he is from the attraction host side

amran

i recognize him coz he is from RP and i remember seeing him in Beats Encore

niway, cool guy to chat with

he was walking around to check on something

during our conversation, i learnt that he is attracted to one of my chinese work colleague. but he is too shy to approach her. i jokingly said if he likes her, take her lah. he looked at me and said better ask first if she is not seeing anyone or not. coz if she does in fact seeing someone and rejects him, it would be a double blow to him. straightaway, i know he is someone with manners. something i like in a person that i want to befriend with =D

2010-05-16T18:37:00.002+08:00

"Let a man of wealth spend from his wealth, and he whose provision is restricted - let him spend from what Allah has given him. Allah does not burden a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease."

- Quran 65:7

2010-05-16T00:54:00.002+08:00

2010-05-09T23:55:00.002+08:00

i dunno how to describe my state right now

i dunno what to say about my current state right now

all i can say is that i'm fuming mad due to an inconsiderate guest just now at work

and i really could use a hug right now from someone

preferably a girl

2010-05-08T14:19:00.004+08:00

mahirah + amali = ?????

filzah + ayie = ?????

aishah + amali/ayie = ?????

interestingly interesting............

btw, this entry takder any makner. so yeah =D

2010-05-07T14:53:00.000+08:00

+44 - 155

Love. This is getting harder,
And I can't seem to pick you out of the crowd.
But you, my dear, have been discoverd a liar.
And I'm afraid that this is building up for far too long.

And this is not the time and place for us to speak like this.
If I had the thought, I'd never dream of it.
So dry your hollow eyes, and let's go down to the water.

In a different time and place the words could make more sense.
In a perfect world, the future wouldn't make a dent.
So dry your hollow eyes, and let's go down to the water,
Even though it's the last time.

Love. This is getting the best of me.
And truth be told, you were the start of it all.
Now you, my dear, might end up lonely.
Before you go, there's something you should know.

And this is not the time and place for us to speak like this.
If I had the thought, I'd never dream of it.
So dry your hollow eyes, and let's go down to the water.

In a different time and place the words could make more sense.
In a perfect world, the future wouldn't make a dent.
So dry your hollow eyes, and let's go down to the water,
Even though it's the last time.

And this is not the time and place for us to speak like this.
If I had the thought, I'd never dream of it.
So dry your hollow eyes, and let's go down to the water.

In a different time and place the words could make more sense.
In a perfect world, the future wouldn't make a dent.
So dry your hollow eyes, and let's go down to the water,
Even though it's the last time.

Please let's not speak.
Don't breathe a word,
Even though it's the last time.

2010-05-03T00:01:00.000+08:00

ala la la la tok ala la la la tok tok jangan saman.. ala la la la tok ala la la la tok tok kite kawan..

=D

2010-04-29T23:11:00.002+08:00

"You know, one person can only do so much. No matter what you want to do, it's impossible to do it alone. You need to have a nakama. But if they don't do all they can for you, it's all meaningless, don't you think?"

2010-04-25T10:29:00.003+08:00

going to work later

super shag after yesterday's 10 hour straight working

yesterday supposed to end work at 5.30pm, but in the end pushed to 8.30pm

coz lack of staffs to do the closing of the shop

my side got a minor problem, but no big deal coz it didn't affect the entire stocks

also, since it was my 1st time doing the closing, so it was understandable

crap, haven't submit my photocopy IC and bank book

later need to go out early to go to the office to submit it before i go straight to my workplace

woke up today, greeted by the snuggling of my cat. not bad eh to start the day =)

gave her a tight hug then i switch on my laptop to check my mail

still have yet to receive my work roster for next week. hmmmm.....

wednesday, depends on how my work roster is like once i get hold of it........

oh oh!! will be watching Iron Man 2 at Cathy. watched the 1st one at GV Vivo. so this time will be at Cathy plak. hehehe. dunno which Cathy yet. but will finalized it once I make up my mind.

2010-04-20T22:35:00.001+08:00

A little boy asked his mother, "Why are you crying?"

"Because I need to" she said.

"I don't understand," he said.

His mother just hugged him and said, "And you never will."

Later the little boy asked his father, "Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?"

"All women cry for no reason," his dad answered carelessly.

The little boy, still wondering why women cry, finally asked the old wise shaikh (scholar). "He surely knows the answer", he thought.

"Ya Shaikh! Why do women cry so easily?"

The Shaikh answered:

"When Allah made the woman she had to be special. He made her shoulders strong enough to carry the weight of the world, yet gentle enough to give comfort.

He gave an inner strength to endure both childbirth and the rejection that many times comes from her children.

He gave her a toughness that allows her to keep going when everyone else gives up, and take care of her family through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

He gave her the sensitivity to love her children under any and all circumstances, even when her child hurts her badly.

He gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart. He gave her wisdom to know that a good husband never hurts his wife, but sometimes tests her strengths and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And lastly, He gave her a tear. This is hers and only hers exclusively to use whenever she needs it. She needs no reason, no explanation, its hers.

You see my son, the beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the beauty of her face, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart - the place where love resides."

2010-04-17T00:42:00.003+08:00

can i just say she smells and looks lovely

that certain gemini girl who is applying for a post at esplanade =D

2010-04-10T20:46:00.000+08:00

Runaway Train
by Soul Asylum

Call you up in the middle of the night
Like a firefly without a light
You were there like a blowtorch burning
I was a key that could use a little turning

So tired that i couldn't even sleep
So many secrets i couldn't keep
Promised myself i wouldn't weep
One more promise i couldn't keep

It seems no one can help me now
I'm in too deep there's no way out
This time i have really led myself astray

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like i should be getting somewhere
Somehow i'm neither here nor there

Can you help me remember how to smile?
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did i get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here i am just a-drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

And everything seems cut and dried
Day and night earth and sky
Somehow i just don't believe it

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like i should be getting somewhere
Somehow i'm neither here nor there

Bought a ticket for a runaway train
Like a madman laughing at the rain
A little out of touch a little insane
It's just easier than dealing with the pain

Runaway train never going back
Wrong way on a one-way track
Seems like i should be getting somewhere
Somehow i'm neither here nor there

Runaway train never coming back
Runaway train tearing up the track
Runaway train burning in my veins
I run away but it always seems the same

2010-04-05T15:04:00.002+08:00

went to kampung wak hassan, kampung buangkok and geylang red-light area after midnight with cousin.

was surprised by where kampung buangkok was located.

saw many things at geylang. people selling contra-band cigarattes, prostitutes, police commencing certain ops and an accident involving a taxi and an indian pedastrian (hint: stupid jay-walker).

walked from lorong 32 all the way to lorong 3. in one of the lorong, was greatly shocked by the heavy amount of activities there. prostitutes hiding in the building. men acting as 'frontline-hosts'. few times i was approaced by some of them; "abang, come go inside. girls all bagus bagus. special price" and "you want what kind of girls? i have them for you inside." as tempting as it sounds, i know i have to keep my head together. afterall, none of the girls is of my taste. even if i do agree to their offer, i will be lustfully satisfied, but emotionally i won't be satisfied. in a place like that, i wasn't surprised to find out many hotels there. many times, i saw men following their prostitutes to the nearby hotel for their 'fun'. in a case where customers want to bring their 'women' somewhere, they will pick them up via they car and bring them to somewhere else. once done, they drive the 'women' back to the place where they originally picked them up. yup, i saw this happened while walking back to my car. row of cars will suddenly entered a lorong to 'deposit' their play toys.

walked along geylang main road, many times saw people secretly selling contra-band cigarrattes. turned to my cousin and asked if i can buy it just for the fun of it. he says don't. coz if i do, plain-clothes officers will follow me to a quiet place, then they will corner me and question me. to play safe, he says don't. sometimes, i saw motorist quickly pull over to the side of the road to buy it while still on their bike then quickly move off. everything usually happened in less than 10 seconds.

i have to admit. what i experienced is just the surface of a bigger picture. the real experience actually starts when i literally get deeply physically involve in these kind of stuffs. but i pray to God it won't come to that extend. it's best for me to have a shallow experience of life and stay away from these filthy stuffs then having a full experience of life and regret it later 24/7. sometimes, a once in a lifetime experience is a lifetime regret.

2010-04-04T00:50:00.002+08:00

pretty rare for me to post malay songs in my blog. when i do, it means the song definitely speaks something to me. this song is no exception =)

moving on.

spent the time today creating some graphic arts for my own. played with creating custom brush and go crazy with ink splatter and fire shapes. pretty cool and will definitely explore more.

oh oh!!! take note!! with effect of 11th May 2010 onwards, shadowfrost88@hotmail.com will cease to exist. what account will i use instead??? heeeee!! constantly check my facebook profile. i will reveal my new email account there. and no, it won't be hotmail =)

been using shadowfrost account for 8 years now. since i'm moving into a new phase in life, i need an email account name that is easy on the eyes, while at the same time i need an email system interface that is less cluttery. hotmail definitely doesn't fit my needs.

i think i wanna give a random shout out. no particular meanings, i hope. something that's been ringing inside my head. so here goes......

"control z. so far, i've been prefectly good in dodging relationship questions thrown to me by others. no, i'm still straight, thank you. no, emotionally i'm not ready to answer those questions. yes, i'm interested in starting a relationship. all these years in RP, staying single, has gaven me more than enough time to sort out my emotional wants and needs. and i think now that i'm emotionally stable to make decisions, i feel that i'm ready to commit in a relationship that i wish not to screw up. i'm not ready to be involve in another failed relationship. i'm ready to learn from my mistakes. but i cannot hope to succeed in this alone. i need your help to guide me. because i wan to learn how to become a better person, for the sake of both of us and our future. teach me on things that i lack, and insya'allah i will teach you things that you lack. because i love you."

alright done! emo meh what i said? sorry lah, coz that's how it turned out in the end. i didn't planned it through. i just blurt out whatever things that's been buzzing inside my head. so yeah! ok then, ciaoz =D

2010-03-30T00:51:00.002+08:00

stealth mode

2010-03-28T14:07:00.003+08:00

*stretching body*

oh dat feels good........

today is Sunday. wad should I do? wad should I do?

........................................

I have no idea.

HA!!

maybe just slack at home, polish up on my half-completed resume and play with my sayangs.

went to atikah's birthday bash yesterday at Pasir Ris Costa Sand. went with Rashid and Azhar. I last minute ask Azhar and Rashid to help me wrap Atikah's b'day present. we did it in the car while on the way there. kecoh sey!! HAHAHHAHAHA. only when we go home then I realised that i never check if got price tag on the thing or not coz I was rushing out to fetch Rashid and Azhar when I left home. haiyooo! very the paiseh if Atikah found the price tag on my present. luckily when I asked atikah just now, she said she never notice it. phew! ok, better dun notice it =P

atikah's b'day party was also very the kecoh. heee!! i kena labelled as 'camerman' by this adik kecik. haiyoo! atikah's father played this malay horror movie on TV. then got this small adik pompan who wants to watch, but too scared to watch until she covers her face with her hands. then she was like screaming she dun wan to watch. when atikah's father and her actual father tried to help bring her out of the chalet, she dun want to move from the spot coz scared the pontianak will come out of the TV and grab her. LOLZ!!! all the while, everyone was like laughing and giggling. hahahahaha. very the cute moment.

going home, I let Azhar drove my car. he is a safe driver, after observing him driving from Pasir Ris all the way to Jurong West. i felt at ease, comfortable and i pretty much enjoy the ride. yeah yeah! so azhar, next goal, we drive at Malaysia. amcm? hehehehehe XD

my only complain of atikah's b'day party was that Aishah wasn't there. takper2. shall not hope/think too much of it =(

Ayie Doesn't Read Horoscope

2010-03-25T00:55:00.003+08:00

Reported by al-Bukhaaree; see Fath al-Baari, 2/333.

The earlier part of the hadeeth:

Zaid ibn Khalid al-Juhani reported: "The Messenger of Allah sallAllahu 'alayhi wa sallam led us in the morning prayer at al-Hudaybiyah after rain had fallen during the night. When he had finished, he turned around to face the people and said: 'Do you know what your Lord says?'

They said, 'Allah and His Messenger know best.'

In his book Muharramaat, Shaykh Muhammad bin Salih al-Munajjid states (after quoting the above hadith):

"Similarly, one who reads the horoscopes in newspapers and magazines and believes what they say about the influence of the stars and planets is a mushrik, while one who reads them for entertainment is a sinner, for it is not permitted that one entertain themselves by reading things that contain shirk, for through this, the Shaytaan will try to lead him to shirk."

2010-03-20T22:00:00.002+08:00

grabbed this from Saiful Aslam's facebook photo album. hehehehe! yup! i agree with him, this picture does make for a great DP for my facebook =)

was bored one day. so decided to edit the picture =D

picture taken during our recent DIDM chalet at Pasir Ris.

Original

Edited Version 1

Edited Version 2

2010-03-18T14:11:00.001+08:00

2010-03-08T00:01:00.001+08:00

Saw this at Mahirah's facebook link. Thought it will be great to share it here. Also, meant to keep this as a reminder for myself in future =)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Signs of Weak Faith:

1. Committing sins and not feeling any guilt.

2. Having a hard heart and no desire to read the Quran.

3. Feeling too lazy to do good deeds, e.g. being late for salat

4. Neglecting the Sunnah.

5. Having mood swings, for instance being upset about petty things and bothered and irritated most of the time.

6. Not feeling anything when hearing verses from the Quran, for example when Allah warns us of punishments and His promise of glad tidings.

7. Finding difficulty in remembering Allah and making dhikr.

8. Not feeling bad when things are done against the Shariah.

9. Desiring status and wealth.

10. Being mean and miserly, i.e. not wanting to part with wealth.

11. Ordering others to do good deeds when not practising them ourselves.

12. Feeling pleased when things are not progressing for others.

13. Being concerned with whether something is haram or halal only; and not avoiding makroo (not recommended) things.

14. Making fun of people who do simple good deeds, like cleaning the mosque.

15. Not feeling concerned about the situation of Muslims.

16. Not feeling the responsibility to do something to promote Islam.

17. Liking to argue just for the sake of arguing without any proof.

18. Becoming engrossed and very involved with dunya, worldly things, i.e. feeling bad only when losing something in terms of material wealth.

19. Becoming engrossed and obsessive about ourselves.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, how to increase our faith then?

1. Recite and ponder on the meanings of the Quran. Tranquility then descends and our hearts become soft. To get optimum benefit, remind yourself that Allah is speaking to you. People are described in different categories in the Quran; think of which one you find yourself in.

2. Realize the greatness of Allah. Everything is under His control. There are signs in everything we see that points us to His greatness. Everything happens according to His permission. Allah keeps track and looks after everything, even a black ant on a black rock on a black moonless night.

3. Make an effort to gain knowledge, for at least the basic things in daily life e.g. how to make wudu properly. Know the meanings behind Allah's names and attributes. People who have taqwa are those who have knowledge.

4. Attend gatherings where Allah is remembered. In such gatherings we are surrounded by angels.

5. We have to increase our good deeds. One good deed leads to another good deed. Allah will make the way easy for someone who gives charity and also make it easy for him or her to do good deeds. Good deeds must be done continuously, not in spurts.

6. We must fear the miserable end to our lives; the remembrance of death is the destroyer of pleasures.

7. Remember the different levels of akhirah, for instance when we are put in our graves, when we are judged, whether we will be in paradise or hell.

8. Make dua, realize that we need Allah. Be humble. Don't covet material things in this life.

9. Our love for Subhana Wa Ta'Ala must be shown in actions. We must hope Allah will accept our prayers, and be in constant fear that we do wrong. At night before going to sleep, we must think about what good we did during that day.

10. Realize the effects of sins and disobedience- one's faith is increased with good deeds and our faith is decreased by bad deeds. Everything that happens is because Allah wanted it. When calamity befalls us- it is also from Allah. It is a direct result of our disobedience to Allah.

JazakAllah Khair for taking the time to read...

May Allah Ta'ala increase our iman...Ameen

(http://www.facebook.com/#!/note.php?note_id=345617796529&id=523256027&ref=nf)

2010-03-02T22:46:00.001+08:00

2nd day of work.

i'm hired to be the video editor. but up till now, i never touch the computer for editing video. i'm tasked to do non-editing role such as paperworks and calling some faggots up to enquire abt places of shooting. i feel like i'm wasting my time there.

signed, unhappy Ayie.

2010-03-01T23:38:00.002+08:00

hehehe! ok, needed some time away to calm my troubled mine.

man, working is really a tough life.

having to deal with lack of clear instructions from the boss is already a killer itself.

but yeah! at least had some fun today.

today is my 1st day of working in a video company.

pretty stressful coz everyone seems to be multi-tasking most of the time

which i'm proud to say i greatly sucks at it

to add to the pain, i had to do some important paperworks today

woah!!!!!

the only think i'm scared of is screwing the tasks given to me

not to worry, handsome ayie

you can do this!!!!!

2010-02-27T23:50:00.004+08:00

thank you all for your birthday wishes!!

Rashid

Azhar

Filzah

Mahirah

Luqman

Huici

Rachel Goh
Taufiq Rafi
Yusri

Shariff

Kak Yana

Saiful Bahari

Tiko DIDM

FBT Man DIDM

Chek Han DIDM

Fenni DIDM

Abu DIDM

Perry DIDM

Yuhan DIDM

Kah Mun DIDM

Shakina DIDM

Andy DIDM

Halim DIDM

Zaki DIDM

Alvin DIDM

Ren Mao DIDM

Ruiqi DIDM

Xavier DIDM

Ace DIDM

Saiful Aslam DIDM

Azely DIDM

Peiqi DIDM

Keith DIDM

Cavvy Chin DIDM (faci)

2010-02-26T14:46:00.003+08:00

I OFFICIALLY PASS MY NAPFA RE-TEST!!!

WOOOOO!!!!!

which means I'm not entering NS on May =)

2010-02-24T23:01:00.002+08:00

tired.......

went all out for my 2.4km run napfa re-test just now

too shagged

too tired to think

tmr gg again

come on, Ayie

need to get rid of that 2 mins, den can achieve the 11mins timing that you need to get D

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

AISHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-02-22T00:49:00.002+08:00

time check: 2.21am

time to sleep =)

2010-02-10T23:44:00.001+08:00

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Whoever has (the following) four characteristics will be a pure hypocrite: If he speaks, he tells a lie; if he gives a promise, he breaks it; if he makes a covenant he proves treacherous; and if he quarrels, he behaves in a very imprudent, evil, insulting manner (unjust). And whoever has one of these characteristics, has one characteristic of a hypocrite unless he gives it up.” [Sahih Bukhari]

-An Islamic Hadith

2010-02-09T19:41:00.001+08:00

emotionally yearning for someone

2010-02-07T14:00:00.002+08:00

last STA class

what a huge relieve for me

last STA class

decided to not hold back

brought in my DIDM work attitude

did the problem statement the way I would have done in DIDM

lead the team

the class have eyes to see

all those rumours of me always wanting to do things my ways

the class have eyes to see the truth

and they will confess that those rumours are truly false

the class have eyes to see the truth

and they will say Ayie is quiet

whatever happened in STA stays in STA

whatever happened in SIT stays in SIT

this is no two-face

this is adapting to changes

the class have ears to listen

and they will learn that listening is better than arguing

The Almighty is the Knower of all that is revealed and hidden

and He will know who is lying and who is telling the truth

2010-02-05T08:10:00.002+08:00

*humming to Batman's theme song from the 90s Batman animated series*

2010-02-01T22:57:00.001+08:00

AYIE!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-21T23:39:00.001+08:00

Note to self:

Yuhan msn PM:
"From jacky DIDM peeps please take note: DIDM 3D2N Chalet had been confirmed. 4th-6th of March 2010. I, Jacky, will be going around collecting $20 from each individual from next monday(25thJan) onwards, till latest by next wednesday(27thJan). Failure to make the payment would be considered not going. Any last minute decision after Wednesday(27thJan) please come to see me or pm me in fb."

2010-01-19T22:35:00.000+08:00

23rd January 2009

Night Cycling, meet at Bedok MRT 8pm.

Yeah yeah!

2010-01-15T15:23:00.002+08:00

trying VERY HARD not to vulgar-combo at facebook because some of my cousins are in my FB contact list. if I say any vulgars, confirm the news will spread around the entire family line. got someone's heart to take care of, which is why months already i've stop cursing in FB.

2010-01-01T23:48:00.000+08:00

yeah. just in case you are wondering about those 2 pictures of me holding/sucking what appears to be a cigarette, it is an actual DIY cigarette.

got an unplanned kiss on the cheek.

goodbye, 2009. hello 2010! any words for 2009? it's been a great year for me. particularly becoz it gave me a pretty good reason to move on from something. got teased quit a couple of times by my DIDM mates in regards to me having feeling for Raudha and am jealous of her being with Shafiq. Got an even super double combo from Suren and Sebas Kheh at Green Lab about that topic tat time.

can't do much to kill those presistent rumours. truth be told, never had any emotional feelings or emotional attractions towards raudha since the 1st day I met her in year 2 sem 1. someone is gonna one day come to me and say; "dun bullshit with me! i know you have feelings for her but you are just too afraid to admit it. come on, just admit it!"

i can admit this, my heart is closed for any future relationship. so there you go. but i dun mind entertaining those rumours, if it helps to lighten my day =)

for now, i urge anyone who is having any feelings for me to immediately kill those feelings. whatever you do or say to make me involve in a relationship with you, it's not gonna work. i already made up my mind that i will not pursue any relationship while I'm still in poly. still keeping to my words.

unless that girl happens to be Siti Noraishah Bte Ahmad Z.S.

check this out! did a quiz at facebook. sungguh betol =P

thx to Sebas Kheh who intro me to this next song, I'm pretty hooked to it. Hehehehehehe! That's it for my 1st blogspot post in the new 2010. Until next time, ciaoz!

I've got this picture of us in my mind
The faces painted kind
The smiles true
It never lasts it seems the colors fade
With every point I make
She'll inch away

One is always wrong, the other holding on.
One of us does not belong here.

Are you all what we expected?
Show me the surface.
Just light me up 'til I fall and once more see a strange glow.
It gets familiar when what's underneath starts to show
One of us is wrong. One of us is...

I get this feeling when I look at you
The bottle sees you too.
He's on your side.
It always seems the tighter fist I make
The more they slip away.
They go one by one and one and one...

(I watch them all go one by... )

One is always wrong, the other holding on.
One of us does not belong here.

Are you all what we expected?
Show me the surface.
Just light me up 'til I fall and once more see a strange glow.
It gets familiar when what's underneath starts to show
One of us is wrong, One of us is right.
I don't hear a song, I just smell a fight.
Can we not sleep this off?
Can we just stop this?

You become what I expected.
Float on the surface while I try to breathe under...

One is always wrong, the other holding on.
One of us does not belong here.

Are you all what we expected?
Show me the surface.
Just light me up 'til I fall and once more see a strange glow.
It gets familiar when what's underneath starts to show
One of us is wrong, One of us is right.

I don't hear a song, I just smell a fight.
Can we not sleep this off?
Can we just stop this?
Can we just stop this?

2009-12-11T23:20:00.003+08:00

hi ho!

been finding myself regularly updating my dusty blog here. hahaha! well, yeah! been doing great lately.

super great!

can't wait for the holiday to start. WOOOOO! no, i won't be working during the holiday. only looking forward to the much-needed emotional rest. still keeping an eye on the progress of my team's FYP work. last I heard from Sebas Kheh dat FYP submission is shortly after when school reopen next January.

I am pretty nervous to hear tat. SUPER NERVOUS! i'm not even sure how our team's work will be receive by the school and the competition organizers. above all, i have absolutely no idea if we can finish our FYP on time. but yeah, must still remain focus in my work. few more weeks to go and sayonara RP =)

oh yeah. few more weeks until i'm officially out of this school. feels like time pass by pretty fast in RP. because that's wad happen when the school doesn't have any lectures as part of the class lessons. this is also wad happens when i'm having too much fun in school. hehehehehehe! and i'm NOT looking forward to NS -____-"

ok i better go sleep. tmr got the Napfa test. sianz........

2009-12-09T01:16:00.003+08:00

I know I shouldn't be drinking Redbull nowadays.

But I was stupid enough to follow my craving and gulp down on 1 can of Redbull just now at the Pasar Malam.

After that, kena a painful headache.

Takder kejer, cari pasal plak.

Serve you right, Ayie -_____-"

2009-12-06T21:49:00.002+08:00

Saw this status from one of my Facebook contact:

''If you wish to affect and influence others, whether it is with your speech or with your poetry. or even with your actions, you must first feel the passion inside of you. You must be moved yourself by the meanings of what you are trying to convey before others.''

It has a nice tune to it =)

2009-12-04T17:02:00.002+08:00

packed my bag this morning.

found something unexpected inside my bag

my lost laptop battery

-____-"

2009-12-02T12:12:00.002+08:00

"All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you. The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration. You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won't succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy. "

~ Wayne Dyer

One of the main reason why Amali never argues =)

Troubled Yearning

2009-11-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

Woke up in a cold sweat this morning.

Shiver runs down my spine by what I saw in my dream.

Immediately messaged her to check out on her.

"Morning! How you feeling right now?"

"A bit sad..my mum n adk juz boarded d plane to Kuching..haha."

"Wah! So gd! On a holiday or smthg?"

"Yups. Fllw dis mly t0ur agency called Orange. Nw so slpy."

"Haha. Okok. Take care n rest well =)"

Relieved to learn that she is fine.

But still troubled by what I saw in my dreams......

It's not a nightmare.

It's not a happy dream.

The dream, that depends on how you define 'yearning'.......

Down

2009-11-26T23:40:00.002+08:00

Feeling relieved that STA class is on next Monday, instead of tomorrow.

Gives me some more time to catch my breathe.

Was surprised to see Saiful's attire today. Red jacket with headphone. Reminds me of my old year 1 attire =)

Thank you to Sebas Kheh for helping to insert my new RAM into my laptop.

Current morale is down.

Current mood is down.

Laptop is down.

Using the school's laptop for the time being.

Supplication For Anxiety & Sorrow | Hisnul Muslim

2009-11-20T18:34:00.003+08:00

Supplication For Anxiety & Sorrow Hisnul Muslim

Anas bin Malik (May Allah be pleased him) narrated, the Prophet Muhammad (Sal'Allahu Alayhi Wa Salam) used to say:

Allahumma Inee a’outhu bika minal hami wal hazn
O Allaah, I take refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow,

Wal ‘ajzi wal kasal
From weakness and laziness,

Wal bukhli wal jubn
From miserliness and cowardice,

Wa dhal ‘id-dayn wa galabatir-rijaal
From the burden of debts and from being over powered by men.” [Bukhaari]

Download Audio of this dua:
http://www.kalamullah.com/Various%20Lectures/Dua%20For%20Laziness.mp3

Also, Narrated By Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (RA):

One day the Messenger of Allah (SA) entered the mosque. He saw there a man from the Ansar (a resident of Madinah) called Abu Umamah and said to him: “What is the matter that I am seeing you sitting in the mosque when there is no time of prayer?”

Abu Umamah said: “I am entangled in sorrow and debts”

The Prophet Muhammad (SA) replied: “Shall I not teach you words by which, when you say them, Allah will remove your sorrow, and settle your debts?”

Abu Umamah said: “Yes, Messenger of Allah”

The Prophet Muhammad (SA) said: “Say in the morning and evening: “O Allah! I seek refuge with You from worry and grief, from incapacity and laziness, from cowardice and miserliness, from being heavily in debt and from being overpowered by (other) men.”

Abu Umamah said: “When I did that Allah removed my distress and settled my debt.” [Abu Dawood]

(taken from this link: http://www.facebook.com/#/note.php?note_id=171978687162&id=90347287418&ref=share)

Nerve-Wrecking

2009-11-14T23:21:00.002+08:00

I am.....

completely.......

burnout........

mentally.....

and emotionally.....

I am aware that my every movements are being kept under surveillance by people in STA. That includes my STA classmates and everyone related to my STA classmates and those who know of people who are related to my STA classmates.

So yeah.

Based from my observation so far, it seems that there are a small group of people out there in STA, not just in DNM alone, that is taking a particular special interest in me. I have a pretty clear idea of who they are, but I'm going to make it more fun for my own sake by only keeping it to myself. YEAH!

First 5 weeks of quiet Amali in New Media Installation. Got pretty tired of being quiet, actually. Coz I learnt nothing through being quiet. 6th week, changed into noisy Ayie. Learnt alot. Heeee! Jo asked me why people call me Ayie. Told a little lie; "All Republicans called me Ayie." Wahahaha. But I will tell her the actual truth in the next lesson. Izzudin wants to get to know me deeper coz of his remarks after I replied Jo's question about Ayie's name; "It's time for me(Izzudin)to get to know you(Ayie) real better." I can't confirm if I would be ready to open up to him or to my classmates any more than I already had, but I can confirm one thing; I will be defensive if the situation calls for me to.

In the mean time............

I think I'm losing my mind here. Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! Oh man! I think I'm losing my mind here!!!

Ouhk, Ayie. Dun panic. Stay calm. Everything is going to be alright. You just had a hard day. That's all. Nobody is stalking you. No pretty chicks is coming to this blog to stalk you.

(No chicks? That sux....)

(Unless it's you-know-who, which I doubt that will ever happen.......)

Anyway. Mahirah and Fylzah has kinda being quiet as of lately. Hmmmm.........

Nami Going For Operation

2009-10-28T13:18:00.002+08:00

Few more minutes before sending Nami of for her operation. Have to wait for 3 hours until the operation ends.

Hmmmmmm.......

Anxiously waiting for the operation to end. Nervous for Nami......

IT Helpdesk, her life is now in your hands. Take good care of my wife!

Ayie's Presence In The Upcoming Open House

2009-10-22T23:27:00.003+08:00

WOOOOOO!!!

Guess wad? Guess wad? Guess wad? Guess wad?

I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited!

Finally get the chance to see my work on display during my school's this year's upcoming Open House. Yeah! One of my work tat I did for my last sem Digital Audio Video module got chosen to be showcase in the Open House. I dunno where they will showcase the video. But that's not the important point.

The important point is............

I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE MY WORK BEING SHOWCASE THERE!! WOOOOOOO!!!

Alhamdulillah. Please dun last minute change the plan, school. Cause if you last minute decide to take out my team's work, I am going to be the most depressed person in the school. Hehehehehehe! Just take care of my work, k school. Good!

Happy news, happy Ayie =)

Met An Unexpected Someone

2009-10-14T23:52:00.003+08:00

Taking this time out to blog.

iwantokentut is really starting to get dusty.

Maybe because I'm getting to caught up with my FYP 2 or school works nowadays.....

Or just plain not in the mood to blog nowadays.

Haiz......

Saw Aishah's ayah at Assyakirin mosque few days ago. Well, he saw me first actually. I was sitting one corner in the dewan solat while waiting for solat Maghrib, staring blankly on the floor, when someone suddenly beri salam on my left shoulder. I didn't look up and just extend my hands to salam the person. As I salam and look up to the person to return the greeting, low and behold, it was actually Aishah's ayah.

I know I should had hide my obviously shocked expression, but inside my head, I went; "AISHAH'S AYAH???? WHAT IS HE DOING HERE???? OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP!"

Just to be sure that it was actually him, the first thing I asked him was; "Ni ayah aishah kan?" He replied with his trademark kiddish smile; "Yer sayer. Ni amali kan? Masih kenal cik lagi?"

After solat Maghrib, went to a quiet corner to read my interior design book. Aishah's ayah managed to caught up with me few minutes later and we had a small conversation. In the end, I decided to wait for him after solat Isyak so as to talk more.

After solat Isyak, walked with him towards his block. Was intending to walk with him until the lift there, but he went on continuing with our conversation. I felt serba salah to suddenly rudely stop his talking just like tat. In the end, I opted to just follow him into the lift. Next thing I knew, we were standing in front of his doorstep. Which I knew I was in a TRAPPED SITUATION.

The only thing in my mind was; 'Please please let Aishah not be at home right now.'

Which to my muker merah malu, he gave a pretty 'grand' announcement of my presence. I went; 'I.....wish I had a bigger cap right now to hide my muker malu.' But at the same time, I was still praying that Aishah still isn't at home. Cause I remember in the lift, ayah Aishah said he wasn't sure if she is working right now or haven't get back from school.

What comes after this, I pretty much wish not to share it here. Bottomline, Aishah was at home, which caused me to be even more fidgety.

When I saw her for the first time after sooooo many months of not seeing her face to face, mixed reactions filled up my emotional state at that instance.

I'm so glad to see her that I immediately wanted to hug her real tight and give a wet kiss on the cheek right there right at that moment. I'm deeply scared because I absolutely have no idea how she is going to react when she sees me in her own house. I'm still pissed off with what happened during my phone conversation between me and V last year. I'm still hurt when I suddenly recalled how last year in our sms moment, she angrily declared that I always think that I'm right and she is always wrong. I'm even more pissed that V stole my girl with his smooth wordplays! HMPH! Which is why I did my best to avoid eye contact with him everytime I see him with her anywhere in school or outside school, just so that I could stop myself from going KABOOM! Self-control, people...........

Moving on.

Did my best to avoid eye-contact with her. Had a brief chat with her younger sister. Wanted to leave the place asap, but ibu Aishah had already cooked up something. Out of courtesy, had to endure a little longer just so as not to hurt ibu Aishah's feeling. Mee Goreng taste fantastic!! But erm, embarrasing to say that I initially wanted a second serving of it............

Ok. Maybe it was a bad move. I shouldn't have avoided the eye-contact with her. I shouldn't had waited for her to say something, or anything to me first. I could had be the first one to start the conversation. BUT WHAT WAS I THINKING BACK THEN? I WAS DEAD NERVOUS, FOR MEE GORENG SAKE!!!! The feeling of seeing her is different, ok! Different girls have different feelings. And she, unfortunately, makes my knees go jelly. OK!!!!

..................................

I think I should end this entry here. Yeah. Shall stop here before I start to break down if I go on any further........

Sleepy Entry

2009-09-29T12:41:00.006+08:00

Now is in the afternoon and I still haven't mandi yet. WOOOO!

Niway.

Can't think straight right now. Lack of proper sleep. Kept tossing and turning on this cool hard wooden floor, which doesn't even exist in my house. Oh I'm in school right now. For my diploma camp. More like a bonding cum leisure camp. Was in school since yesterday morning. It's a 2D1N camp, which means the camp ends later tonight.

The campers are currently out, shooting their teams' respective videos based on the theme "Toothpaste". I came out with that idea during one of the student leaders prior meeting discussions few weeks ago.

Almost nothing in my mind right now is PG-13. Ayie is really at his dirtiest state. I wanna kiss a girl on the lips. Hug her reeeeeaaaal tight. Squeeze her with uncontrollable love. Play with her hair. Stroke her cheeks. Fiddling with her palm and fingers. Carass her waist......

The kiss would be a slow and passionate one. No rush. Just, taking our own time to enjoy each other's own flavour. I like my chocolate to be sweet and irresistable =)

For takder-kejer-nak-uat sake, some shots of me during the camp. You can find some more at facebook, which I will be uploading in a few days time. Insya'allah =)

Wokay. I want to mandi now. Ciaoz!